it simply cannot be

so that’s why i asked you to hurry
to sit by me, because it’s all i need,
even if you do it only to show me that it matters
that what i want is reason enough to do so.
i can’t be the only fucking person on the planet
that doesn’t enjoy always being left ultimately alone.
it just can’t be that way.

down to be ‘down,’ or down to be ‘open?’ that is the question

it is typical amongst nearly every person i have ever occured to know that my feelings and moderate needs are dismissed as a naturally resultant, though irrelevant to their responsibility, of my orienatation and are therefore deemed an acceptable, an uncounted casualty of their own needs and selfish aversity.

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everyday i go thru a lot of shit, and i don’t unload on anyone, especially those closest to me. every day i tried to be true, and try to kind. still, those closest to me who; those who benefit daily from my perpetual desire to create peace and beauty, although temporary, are inclined to believe the worst of me without considering facts, and are soon found to be driven to apologize for an offense I am yet to know they falsely perceived. my only desire, and one of my few pleasures at the end of it is to be ‘close’ to someone who cares; to somehow feel safe. i can’t see how that can possibly be a difficult compromise to make. without fail, i am denied this with apathy. over and over again i am treated as if my emotions are not relevant. for some it seems my only relevance is the contribution i make to their life, and saying and doing only what is necessary to maintain that.

imogen heap said it best:  “are you ‘down’ to be ‘down,’ or are you ‘down’ to be ‘open?’”

Wheeling

[the first verse of a new song, written on the original wedding music for caleb & li]

watching & wheeling
‘got fate on a ride
your face is makeshift – straight thru the eyes